Working Through Guilt

Do you believe that you are to blame for your situation of family violence? Do you believe that you were foolish or naive to think you could change your partner? Are you feeling a failed relationship reflects on your worth as a person? You are worth it! You are valuable! You are gifted! You trusted in your partner and, in a healthy situation, this would have been appropriate, but you were abused for your trust, abused for your ability to try to mend the brokenness, abused for your nonviolence. Talking about these feelings can help. you may feel that you never want to talk about your experience as a former victim of family violence. You may feel that you want to "shout it from the rooftops" so that everyone will know. Perhaps you will find some healing in telling your story to one person and knowing that he/she believes you and respects you. Do this only if and when you are ready. Do not share your story just because you hear that it's a good idea, or because you hear that it's a good idea, or because you want to "get over with," or because people ask you to, or because you are afraid of what people will think if you don't talk. Telling your story can be healthy if you do so freely, if you find someone who is prepared to handle the reality. If you want to get outside of your story and tell it so that you can understand and learn from it, you may be happier in future relationships. Try to give your feelings of guilt over to God. if we deliberately do something evil, to hurt someone else or ourselves, then we probably ought to feel guilty. At least, we should try to "right the wrong" by apologizing, by making amends, by changing our behavior. When we are victimize by someone else, we may also feel guilty, but it's not the same. In some ways, unwarranted guilt is more challenging to deal with than the kind we know we ought to feel. Supposedly, this is because these are powerful feelings so the intensity almost convinces us that we deserve to feel guilty. Turn to God, if you can, for help in relieving this burden, which you did not earn, which you do not deserve, and which you do not need.